The Books are Arranged Alphabetically
by Shuji Nonohana
Summary: Chiri gets mad at Jun. Jun tries to calm her down. One word leads to many, and romance blooms. Has an epilogue. The second of my five random Zetsubou-sensei pairing stories.


This is the second in my short-term concentrated serial project involving Jun Kudou pairings. Since Jun Kudou hardly has any long term conversations with anybody not involving stories, it's actually quite hard to find out which of the girls suit him best. I dabbled in a few ideas and finally came up with this one. Hooray!

Haga: And come check out "Unreachable Happiness". It was recently updated!

Just an FYI, this is around the time of a certain "revelation". If you can tell me what revelation, I'll give you a cookie! (An imaginary cookie!)

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The Books are Arranged in Alphabetical Order

Today was just like any other day. Kino challenged me to something book related, Haga groped Kaere, and Aoyama wouldn't stop slouching in the corner. Our teacher went on with his usual rants of despair. It amused me to see that although he wants to resign, he made a constant effort to come in on time after we all complained.

Today, Kaere sued Kaede for invading her personal space. I'm not exactly sure who won that lawsuit. Ai had been told that nothing was her fault. She apologized because she thought that everyone was just trying to make her feel better.

Like I said, it was a pretty typical day. Including…

"You! Keep your head up!"

I did as I was told, and took my nose out of my book. I looked up, and right on schedule, Chiri Kitsu smacked my head with a spade.

"Um, that hurts Kitsu-san…"

"Kudou-san, you contribute almost nothing to this class! Almost every time you're given screen time, your nose is in a book! Everybody else contributes, so you should too!"

I sighed. When was the last time I had been in my own episode? I guess I haven't spoken as much as everybody else… but I don't get why I was the only one singled out. There are other cannon fodder people here who hardly speak at all.

"Kitsu-san, have you ever heard of the Little Ruler who Could?"

"No I have not. But that wasn't a part of our conversation. Properly stick to the subject!"

"Please, just hear me out."

"Fine. But then we go straight back to your poor participation."

"There was once a little ruler. It was missing an inch…."

"Where is it?"

Chiri picked up a spade.

"I'll put it out of it's misery…"

"No, Chiri-chan, just listen!"

"…. Kudou-san, did you just call me Chiri-chan?"

"Yes. Why?"

To be honest, I hadn't realized it until she asked me.

"I'm sure you always used to call me 'Kitsu-san' before."

"Well, I haven't really made any constant effort to make friends with anybody here except Haga, Kino and Aoyama. I figured I could be your friend…. If you don't mind."

It appeared that Chiri-chan had been taken aback a bit.

"I.. don't mind, but we're a bit off topic. What about the ruler?"

I began to tell her.

"The ruler was an inch short. It was taunted and teased by the other rulers. It was ridiculed by humans. They complained about how many of their measurements it screwed up. But the little ruler didn't mean to! It just wanted to be like everyone else…"

"Oh… I'm starting to feel bad for that little ruler…"

My story was moving Chiri-chan. That was my intention. I don't like annoying people. Stories are the best way to get rid of a bad mood.

"The little ruler found that he was not the only one who had been like this. Many other rulers had been an inch short. They all desperately wanted to fit in. They all invited the little ruler to assimilate."

"Assimilate?"

"They learned that they could all assimilate, then be split into 36-inch yardsticks."

"Lets see…. All 11-inch rulers… 36 inch yardsticks… The assimilation would need 33 11-inch rulers to split into 11 36-inch yardsticks."

"Um….. Yes… as I was saying, the little ruler refused, and chose to remain a ruler."

"What? Why? Why pass up an opportunity to become a proper yardstick?"

"Because he had been appreciated."

"…. Huh?"

"There was one girl in this world, who could make precise measurements no matter what the measuring instrument. No matter how short it was. She was just that precise."

Chiri looked calmed. As though she had just learned that she properly resembled her parents.

"The girl and the ruler lived happily ever after, keeping everything in it's proper place."

As I finished telling the story, tears began at Chiri's eyes.

"So that little ruler could measure properly after all…"

"That's right, no matter how unimportant things may seem, they play a big role in the world. Like the little ruler."

"Kudou-kun…"

"Huh?"

Now this I didn't expect. Chiri-chan came up to me and hugged me. I have to admit, this took me by surprise!

"I've been plagued… by feelings of inferiority…"

"Inferiority?"

"I just found something out recently. I feared that I may be thought of as less important in his life because of it… but even though it didn't really happen, I've been just as important as everybody else."

I sort of had an idea who she was talking about.

"But… if that's true, our entire relationship is unfounded. I thought we were to be together, but that isn't the case anymore…."

Chiri started crying. It's the first time I had genuinely seen her cry. I felt I had to help…

"Don't worry. If you still love him after that, then it isn't completely unfounded, is it?"

Chiri-chan nodded.

"You… you're right. If I did still love him, there would be basis for a relationship, but… I don't love him."

"Huh?"

Now that came out of right field. I was completely confused.

"This entire relationship was built on the grounds that Sensei had defiled me, but now I feel…. Stupid."

"Chiri-chan, don't go calling yourself stupid!"

"But I am! I still feel the need to pressure him, even though I don't even love him!"

I'd had it. I took Chiri by the waist, and pulled her in close….

"Don't say things like that!"

"Kudou-kun…"

She blushed at how close we were.

"This is highly improper, even for you!"

"But…"

"You're prettier when you're anal!"

Everybody in class turned silent. They all had that look about them that said "What the Fuck?"

My face turned red as I said, "I meant precise! That's what I meant!" I said something that was completely misunderstood…

"Kudou-kun… you think I'm pretty?"

"Eh… well yes…"

Wow. How embarrassing that was for me. That was embarrassing, right?

"Well Kudou-kun… I must admit that I don't know how to react…"

"Well.. It's…"

I was so out of character. It was the first time I was at a loss for words. And at what I said. Chiri herself was at a loss for words.

"If you feel that way…."

"I do!"

Stupid me. I just confessed.

"Well… why don't we start out… by going steady?"

All of the blood drained from my head.

"Um, Chiri-chan? Isn't that usually the second step in a relationship?"

"Well…"

She put her hand on mine.

"I need to move fast, or you'll go away…."

I….. Wait, am I the woman in the relationship? That's usually a worry towards girlfriends!

"You don't need to worry…"

I grabbed her hand.

"I'm not going anywhere…"

A couple of days after we decided to go steady…

"Jun! You forgot this."

"Oh. Thank you."

Chiri handed me my collection of Franz Kafka books.

"You need to keep track of your books better!"

"I know…"

"And button at the top is unbuttoned! Let me get that for you."

"Okay."

I was skeptical at first whether she actually liked me or not, but later on, as we became more open to each other, it became apparent that she truly cared for me. As I did her.

She was buttoning up my uniform…. Ah…. I was in bliss.

"Jun, you're blushing!"

"Oh! I am? What a surprise!"

Our relationship is just starting out, and it's still very awkward, but…

"*chu*. You're so cute."

"Ah! Um, I guess…."

We're happy.

"Hey! You! Fujiyoshi! Quit slouching and pay attention! And you! Sensei! Teach something worth paying attention to!"

Though when it comes to what is most important to her, I can't tell whether I'm priority one or two when it comes to precision….

"Come on Jun! You're already two seconds late for class!"

But it doesn't matter so long as we're both happy.

Ten years after graduating…

Yep, you guessed it. I got married to Chiri. She planned a wedding the second we graduated, and the wedding was had the very next second. Five seconds after that, we were married. The reception followed shortly after. Let me tell you, the reception was a lot longer than the wedding.

Chiri wanted us to have children in this exact order: boy, girl, second boy. I didn't think I could do that, but miraculously, it happened! Phew!

Ten years later, Tadashi (boy), Sei (Girl) and Kaku (Second boy) grew up to be wonderful children. Tadashi couldn't stand it if things were improper. He takes after his mother. Sei won't stop reading my books. She takes after me. Kaku enjoys my books, but dislikes that some characters, such as Holden, turn out to be completely improper (I.e. points out books' flaws). He takes after both of us.

At first, Chiri was disappointed that they weren't ALL proper, like she was. But that disappointment was overshadowed by the joy she had when they sorta took after me.

"I'm going to work Jun!"

"Don't censor too much Chiri! I still have a lot of material for my new book I don't want censored!"

"Don't worry!"

And with that, she left.

"Daddy!"

"Yes, Tadashi?"

"Sei and Kaku are arguing about which is better; The original book, or the edited one!"

"Yes? And?"

"They're using spades!"

I got up immediately.

"Aw geez! Sei! Kaku! Stop!"

Despite the usual craziness, we all live happy lives. In the end, isn't that what we all want?

The End.

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Tah dah! KudouKitsu! I was skeptical about this, but I think it works out well. I actually got the first idea from a review.

The name, "Tadashi" came from "Tadashii", one of the many words for "Proper". Sei comes from "Seimitsu", or "Precise". Kaku comes from "Seikaku", another word for "Precise".

Haga: You weren't feeling very creative, eh?

Ugh… I'm bad at coming up with names without a last name too. Their last name is varied on which parent named them first. Tadashi is Kudou, Sei is Kitsu, and Kaku is Kitsu too. Chiri kept her last name.

Haga: Well, the overall story is still…. Um…

What's with that pause?! Hey!

Haga: And by the way, Holden Caulfield is the main antihero of Catcher in the Rye.

You're not listening! Hey!

Haga: Sayonara!


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